Some Bondie Jokes

Did you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in
movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of
every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor
asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?"
sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger
off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting
myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my
mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm
not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear,
and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage,
and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some
fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her
hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she
blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another
blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how
the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get
all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like
hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

Quotable Quotes

The opportunity for brotherhood presents itself
every time you meet a human being."
Jane Wyman


Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.
Washington Irving


Excellence is the result of caring more than others think wise, risking more than other's think safe,
dreaming more than others think practical,
and expecting more than others think possible. "

Anonymous


Sometimes our light goes out
but is blown into flame by another human being.
Each of us owes deepest thanks
to those who have rekindled this light.

Albert Schweitzer


Besides the noble art of getting things done,
there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life
consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

Lin Yutang


It is characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.

Henry David Thoreau


If I have been of service,
if I have glimpsed more of the nature
and essence of ultimate good,
if I am inspired to
reach wider horizons of thought and action,
if I am at peace with myself and God
it has been a successful day.

Alex Noble



"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant:
if we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome."

Anne Bradstreet



Ideas are like rabbits.
You get a couple and learn how to handle them,
and pretty soon you have a dozen."

John Steinbeck


You can't underestimate the power of fear.

Patricia Nixon


No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers
of acting and reasoning - as fear.

Edmund Burke


Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,
but with what it is still possible for you to do.

Pope John XXIII


The only thing you take with you when you're gone
is what you leave behind.

John Allston


Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Leonardo da Vinci


Procrastination is opportunity's natural assassin.

Victor Kiam


What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Oliver Wendell Holmes


Opportunity is missed by most people
because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Thomas Edison


When the power of love overcomes the love of power
the world will know peace.

Jimmy Hendrix


The only big ideas I've ever had came from daydreaming,
but
modern life keeps people from daydreaming.
Every moment of the day your mind is being occupied, controlled by someone else
at school, at work, watching television.
Getting away from all that is really important.
You need to just kick back in a chair and let your mind daydream."

Paul MacCready



"Always do right.
This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest."

Mark Twain


"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Walt Disney



"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.
Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

Helen Keller



It has been said
that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow,
but only empties today of its strength."

Charles Haddon Spurgeon


"When you judge another,
you do not define them,
you define yourself."

Wayne Dyer


Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear

Bertrand Russell