My wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
-Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when
I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a Man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married. Then it was too late."

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage
is the triumph of hope over experience.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible. - Unknown

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life.
Thinking they had no faults at all.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man meets a genie.
The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give me a million dollars and
beat me till I'm half dead."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewellery.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive