Friday, September 09, 2011
After 10 years of confusion and depression she fell to her knees on her bedroom floor. “ I just can’t go on” she thought, feeling that she had reached the end; but she didn’t want to die, although the thought of suicide had crossed her mind all to often over the years.
Her instinct was to cry out to God. “Are you there” she said. “If your there, then help me” but no body answered her plea, or so she thought.
She woke up the next morning with the usual despairing, sinking feeling inside and began her day as normal. Only, it wasn’t normal and never had been.
She caught the bus to college knowing she would face the usual hostility from her classmates and the anxiety welled up inside of her.
Weeks went painfully by and the residual thoughts from that night haunted her. “There is no God” she thought, “He would have helped me by now”.
“How long can I go on” rang loud in her mind, over and over again and the anxiety worsened.
Then, three weeks or so later she bumped into a man, he was tall dark and handsome with a smile to die for. “All the girls must want to be with him” she thought “he won’t be interested in me”, but they became the closest of friends, and unaware of his secret.
Months went by and their relationship deepened into love, when a friend of his told her he was Muslim.
“What” she exclaimed, “A Muslim, a woman abusing Muslim”. She confronted him.
He tried to tell her about Islam but she didn’t want to know, presuming that he would hurt her in some way but she loved him so she had to convince him that Islam was a lie, but what did she know about Islam; nothing!
She decided to learn all she could in the hope of presenting a convincing argument to dissuade him from this violent religion, but all she found was beauty and logic beyond her wildest dreams and any fault she had found was explained away by her man with such ease.
She saw a cross roads in her minds eye. One way was the life she had been living all of these years and the other was the unknown, but somehow she knew that she had to take this path no matter how much it frightened her.
The next three months were terrifying for her, she felt that she was asleep and was being woken up only she didn’t want to be woken up. A repetitive thought affirmed in her mind “you won’t always feel like this” and so she carried on with her studies on Islam feeling this negative force pulling her back to the life she had before.
She knew God was communicating with her, comforting her and letting her know he knew all of her pain and that she could go to him anytime she liked and so she could not resist.
“I am like a diamond” she said, catching the bus to the nearest Islamic book shop. She bought three scarves and, ran into McDonalds’ bathroom where she carefully put on the white one to match her outfit. She has worn her scarf until today.
Her studies continued as did her love for her Muslim man, and she embraced Islam 8 month later, marrying him on the same day.
On her birthday she went to the local mosque where she watched tentatively a Muslim woman praying “I want to do that” she thought, afterwards approaching her to enquire how to go about becoming a Muslim. She went with the lady down stairs to see the Imam, where he spoke with her for a few moments about her wishes to become a Muslim and then he asked her to repeat; Ashadu……”I have already learned that” she said confidently, “ I have been practicing”, the Imam smiled and she went on to say those beautiful words. “Ashhadu Allah Illaha Ill Allah, wa Ashadu anna Muhammadur Rasool Allah”. (There is no God except God and Muhammad is the messenger of God)
The rest is history, with the ups and downs of life that is with the Muslims the same way it is with the non, only she has never felt despair since neither has she had a suicidal thought pass through her mind. One more saved soul. She is free! free from the trappings of this life and chooses to follow the will of her Lord.
She says “All Praise and thanks belong to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, The Most Gracious and Most Merciful, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and all that exists. May Allah help us all, Ameen!"….
|English to Arabic to English Dictionary|