Manners

According to Quran and Sunnah

The Importance of Manners

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.

...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad

Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "

Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it, and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah (#432).

The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, and Tirmidhi

... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr said, "The Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was never obscene or coarse. Rather, he used to tell us that the best among us were those with the best manners."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim and Ahmad

... Anas said, "I served the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, for ten years. During that time, he never once said to me as much as 'Oof' if I did something wrong. He never asked me, if I had failed to do something, 'Why did you not do it?,' and he never said to me, if I had done something wrong, 'Why did you do it?' "

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud

... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad

... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 296, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Darimi, Abu 'Awanah, Hakim, and Ibn Hibban.

... Nawas ibn Sam'an reported that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, was asked about doing good and evil. He replied, "Doing good is having good manners. Doing evil is what troubles you inside and what you would not like others to know about."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #360, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, and Hakim

The Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "He who does not show mercy to our young or show esteem for our elders is not one of us."

The sin of finding faults in others

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #313, Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim

... 'Abd Allah reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or course."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #329

... Ibn 'Abbas said, "If you wish to mention the faults of your friend, mention your own faults first."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #330

... Ibn 'Abbas said on the following verse of the Qur'an, "Nor defame one another" (49:11), "Do not spend your time finding fault with one another."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #545

Jubayr ibn Nufayr reported that Mu'adh ibn Jabal said, "If you love someone, do not quarrel with him and do not annoy him. Do not ask others about him, for the one you ask might be his enemy and thus tell you things about him that are not true and thus break you apart."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #889 and Ibn Hibban

'Amr ibn al 'As said, "...I am amazed at one who spots an impurity in the eye of another but is unable to detect it in his/her own eye, or who attempts to remove a grudge from another's heart while making no attempt to remove grduges from his/her own heart. I have never blamed anyone for the confidences of mine that they have betrayed. How could I, when already they have given me reason for pause?"

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1295

Bilal ibn Sa'd al Ash'ari reported that Mu'awiyah wrote to Abu Darda' "Write to the wrongdoers of Damascus." So he asked, "What do I have to do with the wrongdoers of Damascus? How will I know them?" Abu Darda's son, Bilal said, "I will write to them," which he did. Then Abu Darda' said [to Bilal], "How did you know to whom to write? You could not have known they were wrongdoers unless you were one of them. Begin with yourself!" So he did not address the letter in anyone's name.*

*i.e. he didn't single out a specific person as a wrongdoer, but spoke about wrongdoings in general, to come as a reminder (of Quran and Sunnah) to the people.

Group Conversations

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, and Ibn Majah

'Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "If they are three, two of them should not carry on a conversation from which the third is excluded, for surely that will be distressing to him."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners, Abu Dawud. Ibn Hibban classified the hadith as authentic.

Ibn 'Umar reported the same from the Prophet, upon him be peace. Except that in the end, he added, "We asked, 'If they are four?' He, upon him be peace, said, 'Then there is no harm.' "

Beware of Suspicion

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Be careful of suspicion, for it is the most mistaken of all speech. Do not spy on others, compete* among yourselves, envy one another, or despise one another. Rather, be servants of Allah and brothers!"

*There is nothing wrong with healthy competition, particularly in doing good deeds. This hadith refers to competion that destroys team play and equality, etc.)

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1294

'Abd Allah said, "Sometimes a victim of robbery will become so suspicious [of everyone around him] that he will become worse than the thief."*

*In other words, his suspicions will lead him to doubt everyone until he has destroyed every one of his relationships.

It is permissible to call over a person and inform them of the facts, so that they will not be suspicious, as we see in the following hadith (narration).

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1293, Muslim and Abu Dawud

Anas reported that a man passed by while the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was with one of his wives. The Prophet called the man and said, 'O So and so. This is my wife, so and so." The man replied, What I might have thought about another, I would never think about you." The Prophet, upon him be peace, said, "Shaytan [satan] will circulate through a person just like blood circulates [through one's veins]."

Give Gifts

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #594, also related by Abu Ya'la and by Nasa'i in al Kuna.

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Give gifts to one another, and you will love one another."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Nasa'i and Tirmidhi

Ibn Abi Mas'ud al Badri reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Anyone who spends money on his family and seeks blessings for doing so will find it counted as sadaqah (charity) on his behalf."

Have a sense of shame/shyness

(not being shy from doing good, but shyness from doing wrong)

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban, and Ahmad

Abu Mus'ud reported that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "Among the well-known wisdom of the prophets is the saying, 'If you have no shame, then do as you please.' "

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Nasa'i, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Tabarani

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet, saaws, said, "... Having a sense of shame is one branch of faith."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim and Ibn Majah

'Abd Allah ibn Abi 'Atabah said that he heard Abu Sa'id say, "The Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was shyer than a virgin in her shift. Whenever he disliked something, we could see it on his face."

The sin of Pride

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #550

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Whoever eats with his servant, or rides a donkey in the marketplace, or who ties up his goat and milks it will no be guilty of the sin of pride.

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #556, Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that a handsome man went to the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, and said, "I love beauty, and I have been given what you see, even to the extent of my hating to be bested. Is that pride?" The Prophet replied, "No. Rather, pride is to disdain the truth and to treat others with contempt."

The sin of flattering or praising a person

(Flattering or praising is not just to say something kind about a person. Praising is to glorify especially by the attribution of perfections. Flattering is to praise excessively especially from motives of self-interest.)

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Abu 'Awanah, and Ibn Hibban.

Abu Bakr reported that a man was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet, saaws, and another praised the man. The Prophet, saaws, said, "Woe to you, for you have broken your friend's neck!" The Prophet saaws repeated this several times and then said, "If any of you simply must praise another, let him/her say, 'I think the person is this way or that...' if you genuinely think the person to be that way. The Final Reckoner is Allah, and no one can tell Allah anything about anyone."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #337, Bayhaqi, and similar version by Ibn Majah.

Aslam reported that he heard 'Umar say, "Praise is slaughter." One of the narrators added, "That is, if you accept it."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #338, Nasa'i, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "What a fine man Abu Bakr is. What a fine man 'Umar is. What a fine man Abu 'Ubaydah is. What a fine man Usayd ibn Hudayr is. What a fine man Thabit ibn Hudayr is. What a fine man Mu'adh ibn 'Amr ibn al Jumuh is. What a fine man Mu'adh ibn Jabal is." He said, "What a foul man so and so is. What a foul man is so and so."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari and Muslim

'A'ishah reported that a man requested an audience with the Prophet, saaws. The Prophet said, "What a foul tribesman that one is." But when the man entered, the Prophet was cordial and pleasant to him. When the man left, another asked permission to meet with him. The Prophet said, "What a good tribesman that one is." But when he entered, the Prophet was not nearly as cordial with him as he had been with the first. When he left, 'A'ishah asked, "You said what you did about the first man, yet you met him cordially. And you said what you did about the second one, and yet you were reserved with him." The Prophet said, "O 'A'ishah, the worst kind of people are those whose vulgarity must be avoided."

Hadith Bukhari's Book of Manners #340, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Abu 'Awanah.

"The Prophet of Allah, saaws, ordered us to throw dust in the faces of those who flatter."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #341 and Ibn Hibban

'Ata ibn Abi Rabah reported that when a man praised another in the presence of Ibn 'Umar, Ibn 'Umar began tossing dust in the direction of his face, saying, "The Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, 'If ever you encounter those who flatter, throw dust in their faces.' "

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #762 and Bayhaqi

'Adi ibn Artah said, "If ever one of the Companions of the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was praised, he would say, 'O Alolah, do not take me to task for what they say and forgive me for what they do not know about."

Regarding Fraud and Deceit

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #420, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Hakim, and Tahawi

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "A believer is frank and decent, whereas a wrongdoer is deceitful and blameworthy."

Praying for Good Manners

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #308 and Bayhaqi

... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, used very often to pray in the following manner, "O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree."

"If Allah is your protector,none can overcome you,and if He forsakes you, then who can help you? Trust Allah and have faith in His sovereign power"[Qur'an, Al-Imran, Surah 3:160]

"Faint not nor grieve for you will overcome them if you are(indeed) believers."[surah Aal -e-imraan-3,verse 139]