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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Mental health hotline

NO OFFENCE MEANT!

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

>> > If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

>> > If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you

>> > If you have multiple personalities, please press 4, 5 and 6 ...

>> > If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace the call ...

>> > If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship ...

>> > If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press ...

>> > If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will amswer ...

>> > If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep ...

>> > If you have short term memory loss, please press 9. If you have short term memory loss, please press 9. If you have short term memory loss, please press 9. If you have short term memory loss, please press 9 ...

>> > If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are >>too busy to talk to you ...

>> > If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy for ever ...

>> > If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

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